These women said no to having kids
Jess King always assumed she would have children. To her, this felt like a natural path that all women eventually follow.
But as he got older, he couldn’t shake the persistent feeling that he wasn’t ready. Over time, his doubts deepened.
“It turned into, ‘Am I not ready for this, or don’t I want this?’” he recalls.
Everyone she talked to with the kids said they were really sure about it and felt the maternal urge.
“I didn’t have that, and that made me start questioning it.”
Like Jess, more and more women in the UK are choosing not to have children. Research from the Center for Social Justice (CSJ) shows that nearly three million women between the ages of 16 and 45 are likely to remain childless.
If women in this age group still had children at the same rate as their grandparents, 600,000 more people would have children.
Birth rates in England and Wales will fall for the fourth consecutive year in 2025, falling to their lowest level in nearly half a century, according to data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS).
Jess says telling boyfriend she doesn’t want kids was ‘really scary’ [BBC]
The CSJ’s report cites “a range of social and economic pressures” as reasons behind the figures. It found that rising housing costs, delayed financial independence, late marriages and increased uncertainty about career play a role.
Financial pressures are also a consideration for Jess, who lives in West London with her partner Ollie.
Content creator Jess is self-employed, meaning her income is “up and down,” which means it will be a concern for her if she chooses to have children.
“There are so many people struggling to make ends meet. Some months we are really spending money and it can be difficult.”
Many women I spoke to described financial constraints as a limiting factor. But they also noted a broader set of considerations: concerns about climate change, a strong commitment to their careers, a desire to travel, and a sense that today’s world offers them greater freedom of choice.
Both Jess and Chy, 33, say they’ve found support in online communities of people living happy child-free lives.
The hashtag #childfree has more than 127,900 videos on TikTok, while #childfreebychoice has more than 68,100 videos. As I scroll through these, I can see that there are thousands of women discussing their reasons for not wanting to become mothers.
Jess said that while social media did not influence her decision not to have children, it was “validated” and made her feel more comfortable sharing her thoughts on the subject.
Chy Black, 33, says having children will limit much of what she can do [Chy Black]
Chy, a 33-year-old account manager from the Midlands, also found a community of like-minded women online. While in real life, her parents and close friends supported her not having children, her extended family could not understand her decision.
“I’m of African descent,” she says, explaining that most of her relatives come from a culture where “women were required to have children.”
“To be someone who resisted this idea was met with great shock and disbelief.”
Chy didn’t feel comfortable being “responsible for someone else.” A child, she says, “will need love that I don’t think I can provide in abundance.”
Her priorities include maintaining her career and traveling; He believes these things “will be much harder” with children.
According to the CSJ report, one of the main reasons why women choose not to have children is that they want to focus on their careers. It cites a survey conducted by the New Social Covenant Unit in 2023 of more than 1,500 women aged 18-35 living in the UK; It was revealed that 38% of women who do not want to become mothers say this is because they want to advance in their careers.
Almost half of those surveyed cited the high cost of childcare, and 41% said they would want to move to a larger home if they were to have children.
Chy thinks mothers don’t get enough support, and that the cost of childcare and the current parental leave system “make it difficult for women to have a life outside of motherhood.”
She talks about a friend of hers who had to cut back on her working hours to make sure she could run errands to and from school.
“If these systems were to change, perhaps my decision could have changed sooner,” he says.
The CSJ report argues that “we need to place greater value on the role of motherhood” in both social and public policy in the UK, and that motherhood was “more respected” in the 20th century.
Sasha Thomas, 28, shares videos about being childless on TikTok [Sasha Thomas]
Many of the women I spoke to described acquaintances, or even strangers on the internet, who told them they had changed their minds about becoming a mother or had made the wrong decision.
Sasha, an assistant manager at a cocktail bar, finds this scrutiny particularly harsh in the small village where she lives.
“Everyone has children, boyfriends, and gets married,” says the 28-year-old young man living in Wales. “I got some pushback from people.”
Sasha and her boyfriend Tom, 31, prefer to spend their money exploring the world. “We’re going to the Maldives this year, which we definitely couldn’t afford if we had kids.”
But despite some resistance from those around them, many told me that, more broadly, they feel that having children is no longer the default.
Dog trainer Sian was raised to think that having children was “what you’re supposed to do”, although she didn’t have a “really deep desire to be a mother”. But at 37, she is now confident in her decision not to have children.
Sian Lawley-Rudd, 37, is concerned about the impact of social media on children’s lives [Sian Lawley-Rudd]
Conflicts in Russia and the Middle East, as well as climate change, also influence Sian’s choice.
“Do I want to bring a child into the world in its current form? No. That was the answer and I haven’t changed my mind.”
Jess agrees. “Will there be an environmentally large world in the future? There are already so many people on the planet, do I really want to add to that?”
She is also firm in her decision: “I would rather regret not having children than regret having children.
“If I had been born in a different generation, maybe I would have had children, even if I felt the way I do now,” says Jess. “I would probably feel more pressure and more expectation to comply with that.”
Sian, who lives in Staffordshire, has two bums called Bonnie and Oliver. “I’m happy with my dogs,” he says. “I care about them and they are my family.”
She adds: “I’m passionate about what I do, and it meets an emotional need of mine. Maybe for others, a child can fill that need.”
