Why chasing a dollar figure won’t fix your money worries
Many people find that there is finally a dollar figure that will ease their financial concerns. If you can just try, control, sacrifice just a little bit more until you reach that milestone, then you tell yourself: Later You will feel good, safe, successful, like you can finally relax.
There is some truth in this. Of course, you may experience great relief when you finally get out of debt, get by without paying checks, or reach an important savings or investment goal. But these are not the scenarios I am talking about.
I’m talking about the many six-figure earners who have exhausted themselves to reach a seven-figure net worth because only then will they finally feel successful. Or a cautious professional with multiple six figures in investments who still avoids spending on small luxuries out of fear.
I’m talking about the early retirement enthusiast who diligently spends every extra dollar on investments, counting down the years until they can finally start living their ‘real’ life. Or those who are financially stable but still continually postpone life experiences until a future financial milestone in the name of ambition or responsibility.
But what I see in working with my clients is that even though that future milestone comes, the life experience you thought would come with it often doesn’t happen. Here’s why:
You create your emotions, not your money
Money does not create emotions. It can’t reach your brain and press the “happy” or “sad” button. Your emotions are internally generated by you. Yes, you respond emotionally to your external stimuli, but you are still the one creating that experience.
If you really want to change your money experience, you have to break some of your emotional habits.
This distinction is subtle but important. This means you have the power to change how you feel. This means you don’t have to wait until some future milestone to feel how you want to feel.
You don’t have to wait until you reach a certain net worth, salary, or income in your business to feel successful. You don’t have to wait until you’ve paid off your mortgage, hit your ‘early retirement’ number or reached a certain savings target to feel secure. You can choose to start feeling it now.
Your immediate reaction is “but how can I feel this way without the circumstances to justify it?” Remember; You are responsible for your emotions. You don’t need any permission or situation to start feeling the way you want right now.
Is this easier said than done? Yes. It takes time to unlearn and restructure, not because it’s not possible, but because you already have a practical answer to your financial situation.
But this is the key to changing your money experience. In fact, I would argue that this is it. Only The way to start changing your money experience is because…
Your habitual response to money becomes habit
The ‘rat race’ is not just financial but also psychological and emotional. This is why so many high achievers get stuck in the ‘strive but never achieve’ mode.
Over time, your repeated emotional experience becomes habit. If your practical response to your financial situation is dissatisfaction, then that is the emotional habit you will have created.
Even if your financial situation changes, when you finally achieve that big goal, it won’t take long for you to return to your baseline emotional state.
That is why many people have the experience of achieving some progress (salary increase, bonus, reaching a certain milestone, paying off the mortgage) but their emotional experience does not quickly feel significantly different from before.
If they were stressed about debt before, they are now stressed about reaching a savings goal. If they were anxious or dissatisfied before the promotion, they will soon feel the same way again and face another pay increase.
In fact, you may even unconsciously recreate the old situation because it feels familiar and safe. You see this with lottery winners who, within a few years, are back to where they were before. Struggle and poverty are familiar, abundance is not.
So, if you really want to change your experience with money, you have to break some of your emotional habits. You must change your habitual emotional reactions to your financial situation.
This is the job most people avoid. It’s easier to keep chasing the next number and tell yourself ‘when’ you’ll get there. Later eventually you will feel (insert emotion).
Because as long as that turning point is in the future, you can avoid the real question: Why do you need a certain number to justify how you want to feel—instead of choosing to feel it now?
Paridhi Jain is the founder TalentedSmartIt is an app that helps adults learn to manage, save and invest money through financial education courses and classes.
- The advice given in this article is general in nature and is not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investments or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice, taking into account their personal circumstances, before making any financial decisions.
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Paridhi Jain is the founder of the financial education platform SkilledSmart, which has helped hundreds of adults become financially confident by teaching them practical strategies for managing, saving and investing their money.
