Young mum chooses baby over house deposit and dating in her 20s
When she was 26, Bridgette Earnshaw made the brave choice between buying a house and having a baby.
She took a break from her unsuccessful appointments and used her savings to finance her in vitro fertilization journey instead of a mortgage.
Ms Earnshaw represents a rapidly growing new demographic of single mothers by choice.
Ms Earnshaw told NewsWire: “I was looking at the progress of my money in the bank, OK, so basically you can choose one of two paths now. You can continue to save a little bit more, buy a house and delay having children for probably five to 10 years, or you can have children, so I took that option.”
After a bad relationship that left her feeling like she had “terrible taste in men”, Ms Earnshaw realized she didn’t need a partner to pursue her lifelong desire for motherhood.
“After looking at the guys I was dating, I thought, ‘Honestly, you’d be a terrible father anyway. What’s the point of living in the same house with you?’ I thought. “And then I wouldn’t be able to parent the way I wanted… No, I would be much better off if I could raise them on my own,” she said.
Mrs Earnshaw gave birth to her first child at the age of 27. His second son, whom he described as his “birthday present”, was born one day after his 31st birthday.
Behind her decision to become a single parent was her family, who enabled her to take care of her children.
Mrs Earnshaw and her two sons live in a granny flat built on her parents’ property. He said he was lucky to have “incredibly supportive” parents.
“They babysit while I work, which is great,” she said.
Single mothers and fertility clinics
Young single women are now a rapidly growing group in fertility clinics. They choose single motherhood in their 20s and early 30s.
The latest Fertility Foundation Australia and New Zealand (FSANZ) data shows a 68 per cent increase in menstrual cycles in single women between 2020 and 2023.
The average age of female patients going through these cycles is 36, with the largest proportion being women between the ages of 35-39.
Fertility expert and FSANZ board member Manuela Toledo said the common theme among these women was that they were “not going to sit around and wait for Mr Right”.
“They are freezing eggs to potentially have babies with future partners in their 40s, but they also want to be mothers now,” Dr Toledo said.
“They know that it is quite socially acceptable to be a single mother and that this does not prevent finding a life partner in the future.
The horrors of the online donor sperm market
As clinical IVF grows rapidly, Drs. Experts including Toledo said they are concerned about the rise of online donor sperm markets that bypass fertility clinics and remain highly unregulated.
“We are very, very concerned about the fact that it is not possible to respect family boundaries,” Dr Toledo said.
He said he warned of a future crisis that could leave donor-born children “with many more half-siblings than is safe and recommended.”
Brisbane-based fertility specialist Devini Ameratunga echoed similar concerns, saying there was “a lot of rot” going on in society that worried her deeply.
“It’s really discouraging because these are vulnerable people for whom we shouldn’t be doing this,” Dr Ameratunga said.
He shared a shocking image of the online marketplace saying people paid money and had their sperm delivered to their door, “obviously” all dead.
Both experts warned that online sperm donors could take a huge emotional toll on children, who would grow up without legal rights to access their donors’ information and be unable to trace their biological origins.
It’s no longer a ‘last resort’
The rise of single mothers by choice means a shift away from traditional views of single parenting. Brisbane-based reproductive psychologist Narelle Dickinson said single parenthood, previously seen as a “last resort” or a consequence of life circumstances, was now an active choice guided by reproductive autonomy and strong family support.
“It’s less of a last resort option and more of a ‘this is how I imagine myself as a parent without having a partner’ option. So it’s actually often a goal from the start,” Ms Dickinson said.
“There will always be men and women who are uncomfortable in non-traditional ways.”
“There are some men who understand this very well. I suspect there are some men who would probably feel very threatened by the idea that men are unnecessary in the reproductive process as long as we have access to their sperm.”
For some women, motherhood has been a lifelong desire that overshadows the choice of having a romantic partner.
Ms Earnshaw said she was “happy in the mother zone” and was not looking for any kind of relationship.
He described the birth of his first son as a mystical experience.
“It was like meeting a part of my soul that lives outside of my body. I suddenly said, yes, I know you’re amazing and I would literally throw myself in front of a bus without hesitation to protect you.”
Her honest advice to young women looking to follow the path of solo motherhood was to “really think” about what’s important to them and which desire is stronger between being a mother and a partner.
Would they rather have a partner and have children, or would they rather have children without a partner?
“I don’t know people who regret having children. I know a lot of people who regret not having children, but I don’t know people who look at their children and say, ‘I wish I hadn’t done that,'” she said.
