2 confidence-building tools for parents to set kids up for success
Mental performance coach Cindra Kamphoff says that if you, as a parent, don’t make boosting your child’s self-confidence “one of your top priorities,” you could be jeopardizing his or her future success and happiness.
“Parents need to be more aware of the confidence crisis in America today, and they need to be really intentional about boosting their children’s confidence,” says Kamphoff, founder of the Mentally Strong Institute, a mental coaching firm for business leaders and athletes.
Nearly half of Gen Z workers in the U.S. struggle with poor self-confidence, including negatively comparing themselves to those around them, says Kamphoff, citing a survey of 750 subjects. 2025 National Trust Surveyis the co-author. Similar findings were obtained in other studies; According to one study, less than 60% of U.S. teens feel they receive adequate emotional support overall. 2024 report From the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Building confidence in your children helps them develop independence and durability They will need to overcome life’s challenges, learn from inevitable setbacks, and continue to take necessary risks; These are all essential characteristics of happy, successful adults. research shows.
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“When children are more confident, they are less likely to second-guess themselves [or] Hold your ideas back,” says Kamphoff, who has a doctorate in sport and exercise psychology and has worked as a mental coach for the NFL’s Minnesota Vikings and the U.S. Olympic Track and Field Team.
“You are consciously setting them up for lifelong success [improving confidence]” he adds.
The work of building long-term trust in your children starts early in their childhood and can continue into adulthood, says Kamphoff. And harsh criticism from parents often forms the basis for a person’s negative internal criticism in the years to come. research shows.
He recommends two specific strategies parents should adopt to nurture their child’s self-confidence, regardless of age.
1. Help your child recognize and regulate their ‘inner critic’
Kamphoff says the majority of American workers struggle with harsh internal criticism; a negative inner voice that may doubt the decisions you make, potentially stifling your productivity or motivation.
“That voice really starts when you’re young,” says Kamphoff. This is an evolutionary mechanism that elevates default problems to the forefront of your consciousness so they can be addressed directly, but when you’re not actually in danger, constant self-criticism can cause extreme stress. research shows.
Kamphoff recommends that parents “should teach children how to recognize negative self-talk and replace it with facts.” He uses a tool he calls “Accuracy Meter,” a series of three short questions:
- Is this true?
- Does this thought serve you?
- What would be a more empowering thought you could choose right now?
The self-inquiry method is effective because our harshest self-talk is often untrue or a distorted version of the truth, and worrying about it won’t do you any positive good. Shifting your child’s focus to something more accurate and productive will help them free themselves from a vicious cycle.
Kamphoff says you can use these three questions for yourself, too; especially since parents should generally try to show positive behavior to their children. “As a parent, you can teach your children how to manage that inner voice. [and] “Be a good role model,” he says.
2. ‘Normalize failure’
Children often lose some confidence after setbacks or negative interactions, such as being socially rejected by a peer or struggling to learn a new skill, Kamphoff says.
“Most people really beat themselves up when they fail,” he says. Teaching children that “there is no such thing as failure” because every failure is an opportunity to learn something new and improve your skills or approach can be a “really powerful” tool to adopt.
Kamphoff, who mentally coaches professional athletes, says he regularly teaches the concept of building on past failures. In such cases, he turns to another three-step tool he calls “Learn-Burn-Return” to help people recover from failures rather than dwelling on them.
The first step requires identifying the lessons to be learned from a particular mistake or failure in order to prevent it from recurring in the future. Parents can ask their children: “What would you do differently next time?” and remind them that “it wasn’t your fault,” says Kamphoff: Every failure is a temporary setback and not something that should define them permanently.
The second step is to start from the mistake. Kamphoff recommends teaching your child an easily repeatable phrase or action, such as physically “shaking”, to signal that it’s time to leave this negative experience in the past.
In the third step, parents teach their children to “shift” to a more positive mindset using “confident self-talk and body language”; It reminds them of their strengths and how the lessons of their failures can help them grow moving forward.
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