Stop saying ‘I’ve been there’ when empathizing with others: Do this instead
As a journalist, a media manager and a communication coach, I focused on helping my entire career to convey the important thing for themselves.
One thing I noticed: When it comes to empathy with someone who shares a personal struggle – whether a laborious young person is losing a job – many of us answer a similar experience. We assume that they show the other person that they are not alone.
Although it came with the best intentions, ‘I was there,’ the approach changes from them to focus on you. And the real empathy is not about associating our parallel story – about listening deeply.
How to be more authentic when showing empathy is explained below:
1. Be available and follow your body language
Start by eliminating distraction elements. Castle Your phone is quiet and out of sight. Take a deep breath and let your body tongue show that you are focusing on the other person.
Remember that empathy is just more than words – it is also about how you offer yourself. Adjust your body: Are you nervous? Or is it comfortable? Is it protected? Or open and warm?
You can help the speaker feel more comfortable with your breath, shoulders and hands with your body, and know that they are in a safe area for them to be vulnerable.
2. Repeat a meaningful word or metaphor they use
Let’s say your speech partner spoke about an experience and described it as “really terrible”.
By developing and reflecting this expression to them, you give them the opportunity to reflect such a terrible, to descend deeper and to understand themselves better.
Instead of sharing the advice or something similar to you, try summarizing the emotional essence of what you share. For example, “seems to be angry and even angry with your mother because you make all these comments about your child’s upbringing?”
Even if they are not directly expressed by taking emotions, your speaker thinks that you are really trying to understand them and that their emotions and experiences are important.
3. Be comfortable with silence
You don’t always need to respond immediately to make people feel comfortable and seen.
Silence is an insignificant way to strengthen your connection with others. Indicates that you do not control the conversation and allow a natural rhythm.
Even short pauses for three to 10 seconds Lower heart rate and blood pressure, creating space More thoughtful reflection. This silent trust grows and a deeper understanding emerges.
4. Say ‘Tell me more’
The most effective speech partners are curious and easily accepts what they do not understand.
And contrary to the questions that direct the conversation to our own interests, he lets the speaker decide what is important and reveal the most important for them – even before talking to you, they did not realize themselves.
This question can open a lot of locks, because your opening encourages them to share them more authentic. Ultimately, this leads to deeper, more meaningful insights and speech.
Often, listening is processing. We just expect to jump to explain our own ideas, solutions, “right” answer – we interrupt the meaning and destroy thought. However, it can transform your relationships to yourself and your speech partners to fully express yourself and when you pay attention.
Emily Kasriel He has worked as an award -winning journalist, editor and media manager for more than twenty years in BBC. As a senior guest research assistant at the King’s College Policy Institute in London, he developed a deep listening approach and took advantage of his experience as an accredited manager coach and workplace mediator. Also, you are currently a guest scholar at Columbia University.
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