Living with parents again? How to make it work while saving to move out
Caroline Bentham, 37, who has lived in Yorkshire with her mother Mary for nearly seven years, says the experience has been a really positive one – although she “never dreamed it would happen in my 30s”.
She split from her partner in 2019 and was only supposed to live with her mother for six to 12 months while she started her PhD. But then the pandemic came along along with various other life events, and he said it “continues to make sense” to stay.
The transition to living together again was a “real challenge” at first, she says, because her mother had a hard time relinquishing control in areas such as the kitchen. They also had “a lot of arguments” as they figured out “how to be around each other.”
“It may sound cliché, but we had to learn a new way to communicate,” he says.
Caroline says one of the biggest benefits of living with her mother is the emotional support they give each other. But she admits that this arrangement is sometimes not great for her self-esteem and that “living with parents is definitely a stigma.”
Tips for adults living with their parents
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Agree practical expectations regarding finances, chores, visitors, quiet time and common areas
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Recognize that living at home does not mean returning to dependency, and contribute as much as you can financially and/or around the house.
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Don’t assume that old family roles still apply: What worked when you were 16 is unlikely to work at 36.
Source: Related
Christodoulidi says one of the overlooked advantages of living with a parent as an adult is the chance to get to know each other differently.
“Parents often begin to see their children as another adult, while adult children better understand their parents as people, not just as parents.”
He also says society needs to get rid of the stereotype that adult children still living at home “can’t create.”
Natasha says it’s helpful to remind herself that living with her family is a “temporary” situation that will “lead to better outcomes in the future.”
He adds that the extra time he gets to spend with his parents is a “blessing.”
“One day I’m going to move out and get married and have a family of my own and I won’t be able to spend as much time with them,” she says.
