Parents whose children actually enjoy talking to them do 7 things
Many parents assume that when they are close to their children, their children will naturally open up to them.
But after years of working with families and studying more than 200 parent-child relationships, I’ve discovered that closeness alone doesn’t always mean children will feel safe to open up.
Children are more likely to open up when they are confident in what they are doing. Parents continue to create space for difficult conversations when their children are 7, 17, and even 27.
Here are seven things they do with their kids, starting from a young age.
1. They regulate themselves before trying to regulate their children
Children are much more likely to open up when they’re not worried about how their parents will react.
Parents who know their child’s inner world best have learned not to make their child feel like a problem to be solved or a threat to be managed.
Their children trust that they can bring difficult things home.
2. They share who they are
While many parents expect openness from their children, they reveal little of themselves.
Parents whose children continue to share their inner world do not hide behind the role of Mother or Father. Their children know what excites them, what stresses them out, and what is important to them.
Children are more likely to share what’s on their mind when they feel like they’re not the only ones vulnerable.
3. They ask about emotions, not just performance
Most parents naturally ask about grades, sports, homework, and achievements.
Parents whose children continue to come out also ask different questions:
- “What was so hard about you today?”
- “How did that go for you?”
- “What have you been thinking about lately?”
These questions show children that their thoughts and feelings deserve as much attention as their achievements.
4. They make some emotions acceptable and others unacceptable
Most parents have no problem embracing excitement and gratitude. Anger, jealousy, sadness and disappointment are another story.
But children quickly learn which emotions are safe to share and which to hide. Parents who remain emotionally close to their children do not expect them to be happy all the time. They make room for all kinds of human emotions.
When children learn that some emotions are unwelcome, they often stop sharing them.
5. They fix things after tough times
The parents I see who have the closest relationships with their adult children know that they are not perfect. They apologize, look back on difficult moments, and take responsibility.
They will say things like:
- “I was too harsh on you before.”
- “You didn’t deserve this.”
- “Can we try this conversation again?”
Children need to know that relationships can survive mistakes. Repair teaches them that it is safe to return after conflict.
6. They do not impose their emotional needs on their children
I have worked with many children who were overly focused on making the adults around them happy. They carefully consider when to bring up a topic, hide mistakes, or avoid difficult conversations. This is because they don’t want to upset them.
But the healthiest parent-child relationships relieve children of the responsibility of managing adults’ emotions.
Children are much more likely to open up when they know they won’t have to deal with other people’s feelings later.
7. They invite rather than question
Parents often tell me: “I ask questions, but my child only gives me one-word answers.”
Asking more questions is often not the answer. Children open up not when they feel like they are being interviewed, but when they feel genuinely curious about their thoughts and experiences.
Parents who know the most about their children’s lives create opportunities for conversation. They share stories about their day, spend time together without an agenda, and make it easy for their children to talk when they’re ready.
These little moments help kids see you as someone they can turn to, even when conversations get difficult.
Reem Raouda is a certified conscious parenting coach, speaker, and author dedicated to one core idea: Loving your child and making them feel safe are not the same thing. She is the founder and creator of The Safe Mom. Safe Mother Master Classhelping parents raise emotionally healthy children through emotional safety, connection, and self-awareness. find it instagram.
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