My colleagues secretly mock my clothing choices. What can I do?
I work in a company where people tend to wear expensive clothes. I wear more affordable but not fast fashion clothes because I find it ridiculous to pay $200 for a blouse or skirt like them.
The problem is, a trusted colleague told me that I was becoming the butt of office jokes. I feel embarrassed, exposed, and humiliated to the point where I now want to work from home full time. How will I deal with this situation?
It’s like a group of colleagues repeatedly delving into their youthful depths and making fun of you for something that is both highly subjective and generally inconsequential. At the heart of this behavior is the effort to maintain hierarchy.
Those who make you an office joke want to reinforce their perceived “superior” position. And they use clothes as a sign of status. Of course, their “ladders” don’t work as intended without people at the bottom—and they’ve cruelly decided that one of those people is you.
What can you do? Psychotherapist and senior lecturer at the Cairnmillar Institute and host of their podcast, Dr. I spoke with Zoe Krupka. How does this work for you? I asked him about your situation in general and the practical options available to you.
“A workplace culture with an extensive dress code is likely a culture that values consumption and a certain type of presentation,” Krupka explained. But he wasn’t necessarily talking about an official, CEO-approved standard.
If, after having these discussions, you decide that this is not your problem to ‘fix’, I think looking for a new job is a reasonable option.
An organization’s leadership may embrace a specific set of values and put them in writing (most of us have been part of an organization that talked about “Openness,” “Boldness,” or “Authenticity”).
These may have been created with good intentions, but they are often nonsense; and any attempt to encode them is usually futile. An organization’s true values are evident in the behavior and unspoken standards of the people who work there. The “dress code” that Krupka mentions comes about in exactly the same way; in fact, it is shaped by these unspoken values.
“My question to the reader is, ‘Is this a culture you want to be involved in long term?'” Krupka continued. This may be a workplace with values that don’t align with yours.”
In this sense, ugliness regarding clothes may be just a proxy for many other judgments. If this is true, the hierarchy is not just about taste, wealth or appearance, but more broadly about your position in the team.
This brings us to another important point that Krupka brings up. Why did your trusted colleague choose to tell you this at this time? Did they feel dutiful, that the bliss of your ignorance was no longer a valid reason to remain silent?
Or was it something else, a greater warning? Is it a way of telling you that you are not only belittled, but actively excluded?
Whether or not that’s the case, Krupka said discussing this issue with your friend can help you uncover important information. After that, you should contact a professional who understands your workplace well; A psychologist in the Employee Assistance Program would be ideal.
“I think it’s very important for the reader to talk to someone about this issue. To be able to discern what they bring to the table, how it affects them day to day, and also what they want to do to solve this problem.”
If, after having these discussions, you decide that this is not your problem to “fix,” I think looking for a new job is a reasonable option.
For a long time I tried to avoid recommending resignation from Occupational Therapy. As I’ve said many times before, it’s easy to give advice to leave an organization and find a better job elsewhere, and it’s often extremely difficult to do so.
But this is a time when I think letting go is really worth considering. When bullying is so bad you don’t even want to come to work, your mental health is compromised.
Jonathan Rivett is a writer living in Melbourne. He’s been writing about workplace culture and careers for more than a decade.
