Danica Patrick shows up to Indy 500 for work looking absolutely shredded, new TN largemouth bass record & MEAT

Let’s liven up Screen Covers Tuesday as Danica Patrick arrives at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway for Fox Indy 500 work duties that look like a fat, purple-haired LIB’s worst nightmare. You know Danica is at the gym. Living the MAHA lifestyle. We show you her crazy gym workouts.

I knew Danica, 44, was ripped, but what she revealed from the Fox set Monday were the results of offseason reps in which Danica rode a dipping machine with 45-pound plates chained to her weight belt.

Our colleagues at Fox were called. “Excitement was defiantly high for the race, which became a one-day qualifying showdown for pole position after it rained on Saturday,” he wrote on Instagram from Indy. You are absolutely right, high energy Danica. America can feel itself being built in the summer. This isn’t just any summer. This is the 250th celebration of this incredible piece of land we can call home.

Better buckle up for the angry LIBS who hate this country and what it represents. We’re about to have a stunning summer.

DANICA PATRICK IMPRESSED THE MAHA CROWD USING BAT DOGS AS HER NEWEST FITNESS WORKOUT AND TENNIS AS MEAT!

• In full disclosure this morning, after watching Game 7 of Montreal-Buffalo, I watched about 15 minutes of the NBA Western Conference Finals. I have no idea how any of you can actually stand to watch NBA products. I saw maybe two minutes of actual gameplay time in the 15 minutes I watched.

How many breaks do these coaches get? I swear they had like 10 timeouts per team after every basket. Even after the free throws… BREAKOUT! It was completely worthless television. It was worse than college, and that’s saying something.

My old friend Kunkel is right.

• Yes, I watched MY Reds take a late inning lead. I’m not in a good place with MY Reds right now. The arena was a disaster waiting to happen, and it happened long before Memorial Day; This is not a good sign as the season continues until September 27th. I talked to my dad this morning who predicted this team could lose 100 games. I think this is an overreaction, but I’ll mark it today and take a look at it in August.

• Wait, are malls coming back? This is new news for me. I’ve only been to one thriving mall for the last five to 10 years: Somerset in Troy, Michigan.

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Welcome new readers

– Annette writes: Joe, to this day I don’t know you or don’t know you. You should get a prize for the best phrase ever: “…you have money forever.”

My husband and I laughed until we cried. Bravo!

Kinsey: Welcome, Annette, to what readers call the best daily column in the United States. You may not like every issue of Screencaps, but I guarantee this column won’t be boring. You’ll find little nuggets like this that come to mind. This is not intended to be a traditional news column. I’m not here to impress you with big words. I’m here to inform, entertain and make you think every day.

Speaking of which, wait until you see the comments I got about the U-Haul nugget from Monday Screenshots.

How many bridesmaids is too many bridesmaids?

– Retired reporter Beth emails:

The rule of thumb is one bridesmaid for every 50 guests invited. Maid/maid of honor does not count in this equation. So are flower girls. Ideally, there will be an equal number of groomsmen, again without counting the groomsmen. Some weddings feature ushers as well as groomsmen, and I think it’s a terrible waste of time and money to have a tuxedo used to help guests into their seats. I believe the 1:50 ratio was introduced to (subtly) deter brides from (subtly) asking literally every friend since preschool to stand next to her.

Bridesmaids should be your closest and dearest friends, sisters, and maybe your kidney donor. I’ve attended weddings that included more members of the bridal party than guests. This is the bride who “doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.” For the same reason, these events usually last three hours, forced by Bible readings, poetry readings, solos, performances by woodwind ensemble and string quartet, candle lightings, maternal tributes, rose offerings, Holy Communion, and snake handling.

As always, less is more at a perfect and elegant event. Now let’s get to your main question about Mrs. Hunt’s 14 bridesmaids. 14×50=700 invited guests, which is excessive but not too tacky. There’s a fine line between society weddings and weddings that start with calling all the cousins ​​from under the trailer with broken baseboards because “The preacher got here.” Another rule of thumb: the more people you invite, the greater the risk of drowning among the blender, toaster, and bath towels.

This is where the all important Bridal Registry comes into play. It is a sacred document that must be fulfilled. I don’t know what today’s brides do. In my day, brides, along with their sullen grooms, would spend an afternoon choosing the gifts they desired at Leitzinger’s, the most elegant store in our town. Meanwhile, a consultant followed us around, making suggestions and taking notes.

Then came the best part: A small table was set with our china, silver, and stemware, matching linens, and an information card featuring Judy Helsel’s delicately gorgeous calligraphy. There were four brides in our newsroom that year. We went to Leitzinger’s whenever we could to stand up and look at our tables. I’m sorry to say that we followed the national average. Nearly 40 years later, just the two of us are still married. I hope your cute male mind can glean a few salient ideas from my ramblings. I really enjoy sharing these with you. Next time you need etiquette advice, I’m here.

If you’re invited to the Hunt-Green circus, send them a note explaining that you’re planting a tree or naming a star after them or donating a month’s operating budget to an animal shelter or soup kitchen. This will make them really angry and they will never understand the irony.

What does Hobby Lobby do?

– Caleb is back on PA with more Hobby Lobby content: I thought the fall decor in the hobby lobby was bad enough… but then my wife sent me photographic evidence of this abomination today!

Is Hobby Lobby turning into a Christmas store open 365 days a year before our eyes? (Screensaver Caleb on PA)

Readers keep sending me the Pizza Hut story that went viral over the weekend

I want you all to know that I see your emails and messages. There’s so much to review that I can’t possibly respond to all of you, including long-time readers who use my personal Gmail.

This morning, The TODAY Show joined in on the fun by telling its own Pizza Hut story, which sums up why Hut is now going viral. Look, I’ll say it again: America could use a family place where we can go to get pizza after games. Tend to be the place to go after travel ball, football or any other sport, The Hut is an admirable marketing campaign.

Now bring back the draft beer jugs to the dads.

Current status of Yacht Rock

– Chris A. tells me: Sirius is right next to the yacht rock. In addition to Channel 15, there are also some internet-only channels like Yacht Rock deep cuts, Yacht Country, and Yacht Soul (I have Al Green and Marvin Gaye on my yacht rock playlist, so Yacht Soul sounds good). Spotify also has a yacht rock channel that offers mellow EDM, but I need some convincing on that one.

I giggled at the video of the zero-turn mower being pulled from the pond. If it were up to me, I’d leave it there. Give me a good old lawn tractor with real steering!

Kinsey: I’m a little surprised that Bo in AZ attacked me and accused me of not listening to Yacht Rock back in May. You’re right, I was insulted. I’ve been playing golf this week and listening to Yacht Rock the whole time just for that reason. I won’t rock outside the yacht.

– Bo T. from AZ replies: Joe, I found this on the SiriusXM app on the Yacht Rock channel. It should be a one-off, as are others (Slow Drift Mix, etc.).

european art

– Scott H. emails: Joe is on leave from work. I spent two weeks in Europe with my daughters. Alternate weeks. Something in my travels disgusted me. “Influencers” pose in made-up photos with their whipping boyfriends, taking ridiculous photos at historical sites. Here’s what I think about them.

Turn heads this summer for unique works of art from Europe, Asia, the Far East and the United States. (Screencap reader Scott H.)

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With 36 holes of golf on my schedule this week, that’s it for this rainy Tuesday. I’m getting impatient. I really want to get lost and hit a little ball 6000 yards. But I have to work first. To write. Organize (sort). Join Zoom calls.

Now it’s time to go to work and pay the bills. Go and have an incredible day of life.

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