How to navigate difficult conversations and avoid stress this holiday season
It can also help to offer dessert, she says, or an activity like taking a walk or playing backyard cricket.
Loading
Another simple option is to remove yourself from the group or break up the group by asking someone to help you with a task.
Doyle says that by being upfront in this approach, you’re not ignoring the conversation, just acknowledging that it might not be the right time to go around the Christmas table.
“Be open, be kind”
Prepare yourself mentally before the meeting and set some boundaries for yourself. Consider the participants and the topics they might discuss. Doyle says it can be helpful to ask yourself whether you’re willing to engage in these types of conversations.
“Most people now know their families and what conversations will come up. First, ask yourself what today is about. Why are we getting together? Is this an opportunity to get into it?”
“So if you want to stop the conversation, it’s about being open. There’s a saying, ‘To be polite, be open,’ so you can say, ‘you know what, I don’t want to have this conversation right now. Maybe we can talk about what the kids are doing at school,'” Doyle says.
When conversations get tough, a game of backyard cricket can be a great circuit breaker.Credit: Getty Images
“You have two ears and one mouth.”
Sometimes a conversation hits the ‘hot trigger button’ topic and you find yourself needing to speak up. Can you do this in a healthy way? Yes, says Doyle, but you need to be aware of when the conversation gets to the point where it’s not so healthy.
Loading
“I think it’s just as important as choosing the right time and place. Is Christmas in front of aunts, uncles and little kids the right place to get into something that creates media buzz?”
A constructive discussion is also based on respect; people have different opinions that you may not share.
“You have two ears and one mouth. The important thing is to be able to listen and accept someone else’s point of view and then share your own.
“Instead of blaming, use language that appeals to your opinion and perspective, such as ‘I feel’ and ‘in my experience.’ Whatever you do, soften the polarization between us and them,” says Doyle.
“If this is an old family or friendship and there is an old wound that is being opened, accept that this will not be resolved at the holiday table; depending on the issue, it may be wise to seek professional relationship support.”
Make the most of your health, relationships, fitness and nutrition Live Well newsletter. Get it in your inbox every monday.
