‘I noticed some unusual symptoms but I didn’t want to worry my wife. Then I nearly died’
Paul Seymour, like most of us, didn’t want his loved ones to worry about him.
When she started noticing some unusual changes in her health, she decided to keep them a secret.
When he had difficulty climbing the stairs, he would kneel down and pretend to tie his shoelaces. If he started getting chest pains while they were out, he’d find an excuse for them to stop.
But Mr Seymour, 40, who hid his symptoms for seven months, collapsed while running to catch a train in south-east London and woke up to a crowd of people surrounding him.
When he was hospitalized, he learned that the pains he had been hiding were angina attacks caused by coronary artery disease, a condition in which fatty substances narrow the arteries.
After being told he was “lucky not to have a full-blown heart attack”, Mr Seymour went home that night and told his wife about his diagnosis.
The 66-year-old said he is now an NHS clinical systems manager Independent: “I remember he wasn’t very happy. We have a great relationship, we’re great friends. We never really argue but I could see I was going to disappoint him.
“He got extremely worried when he thought about what could happen and what had happened, and that’s what I really wanted to avoid.
“Not coming out about my symptoms is something I regret; it was done for the wrong reasons. I thought I was protecting my wife but in reality I wasn’t really protecting myself.”
New research has found that 19 percent of adults with health conditions have kept their condition secret from their partners at some point. One fifth of these people will never tell their partner about their diagnosis.
Mr. Seymour’s mother also refused to tell her family about the health problems she was facing and died suddenly after falling into a diabetic coma. “I should have been more open because of what happened with my mother, but I think it turned me the other way at the time.”
New research commissioned by health insurer AXA Health has found that more than a quarter of people who choose not to talk about their health problems fear their partner will leave them, while nearly 20 per cent are unsure how to bring up the issue.
Nearly 28 percent of people said they didn’t want to worry their partner.
His wife Joanne said: “When I found out I was a mixture of being angry and scared that he hadn’t told me.
“I was so afraid of losing him over something that could have been prevented.”
She said she may have missed some clues that her husband was not well. “I remember he didn’t want to go for a walk but I put that down to him being anti-social.
“Once we were walking to the train station and we had only walked about 30 meters before he was sweating and his color was horribly grey.”
After recovering for about a year, Mr. Seymour underwent surgery to install a stent and promised his wife that he would never again remain silent about his health.
He said his advice to anyone afraid to address their symptoms is to speak up and ask for help.
Heather Smith, chief executive of AXA Health, which commissioned the research as part of its Cover That Cares campaign, said: “Paul’s story highlights why it’s so important to open up about health concerns to family and friends, even when it comes to difficult or embarrassing topics.
“Undoubtedly this would have been a frightening experience for Paul and keeping his symptoms and concerns to himself meant he would not receive care and support from his loved ones.
“It’s completely understandable why people might be reluctant to talk about their health, especially when it comes to serious conditions like Paul’s that could cause concern or distress to loved ones.
“But as our research shows, 88 per cent of people believe it’s important to be honest about health issues, and the majority of those who open up think it has a positive impact on their relationships.”
