KEELEY HAZELL: What really happened *that* night with Joe Cole

I closed my bedroom door and filtered downstairs, pulled my Nokia phone from my pocket and called my friend Patsy. ‘You will never believe who is in my bed!’ ‘DSÖ?’ He said, excited. ‘JC!’

“ Oh my God! From where? What’s happening? Tell me everything! ‘

I explained how everyone left the club to go to a party and how everyone went when I went out. The only remaining person was the JC, who was so drunk that he could not stand up. I greeted a taxi and jc came in and ‘parttttttyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. We?’

I called my friend Nic, who we were together to find out where everyone went, but the phone was closed. Nobody else had a number and JC had lost his wallet. I told him that I would leave him home and ask where he was living and ‘England!’ I didn’t want to leave JC drunk in the middle of the street. We came to the World Cup. I could not leave a valuable player who stumbles on the streets of Mayfair.

I tried to take him to Nic’s boyfriend’s apartment, but nobody was at home. So I did what I think was the best thing to do and brought him back to my council property.

I carried him from my taxi over my arm and made him drink tons of water in the hallway. Then I walked him into my bedroom, took off his jacket and shoes, and put it on the bed.

“ I’m coming, ” said Patsy.

He came after five minutes. We looked through my door with JC bedroom like a kind of exotic zoo animal.

We’re both drunk and stunned. Leaving JC to sleep, we made our way to the kitchen. My mother wasn’t at home. My sister Deborah’s bedroom door was locked, so I had no idea whether she was there.

Then my phone rang. It was Theo – my boyfriend.

“What should I do?” I asked Patsy.

‘Just answer.’

“But what am I going to say about JC’s being in my bed?”

‘Don’t tell him.’

I looked at Patsy sides and answered. Theo’s car key was in my house. He was waiting until I returned to gather him. He said he would come. I tried to find an excuse for why he should wait until morning, but all I do is ‘patsy’. ‘Well?’ He replied.

He came mentally before he solved myself. I kissed him hello, I tried to be sane when JC was scared of inside, that JC could wake up at any moment, go down the stairs and ruin my life. Patsy and I didn’t mention JC under any circumstances, but when Theo asked my night, I found what they wanted.

First, the idea of ​​telling him and his finding him was too much to stand.

Two, I was drunk.

Three, I couldn’t lie.

So, quickly, I explained the madness of the evening.

‘You are lying,’ he said. “ There is no way to be in the bed. I’m just gonna take a look at see if you just say the truth. ‘

‘I’m telling the truth!’ I answered and gave Theo the car key. But he started walking towards the stairs.

‘Theo. 3.30 in the morning. The man shouldn’t sleep. ‘

‘I just want to see myself.’

‘Good morning my baby. I said your opinion is not lying ‘I said. ‘Don’t just wake him up.’

I promise. I will not, ‘he said. He was a convincing liar.

I went back to the kitchen and sat in front of Patsy. Then there was an explosion higher than the upper floor. We froze. There was a sound of a door opening, then sounds.

We ran to the top floor to investigate. That’s when I saw Theo on JC, punching JC’s head. JC’s arms swayed, tried to push Theo, but Theo continued to fix it, punching after punching.

The JC was curled into a ball, his hands protecting his head when he was a circle, he squeezed his fists, and waited for him to get up to lay him back on the floor. I screamed at Theo to stop, and I screamed, saying he would kill him if he wasn’t careful. This was not a small bar fight; JC’s shirt was torn; It was rotten and bleeding.

I had no idea how to stop this horror, but JC was like a miracle. He shot Theo next to the face. Theo returned and pulled the road. The couple began to rush around my room and then passed JC Patsy and me at a speed that I didn’t know that it was possible, and any of us went before we moved. That’s why he was a professional footballer and wasn’t Theo. JC was fast. He was just out of the house in his pants and what kind of idea we didn’t have.

‘Why did you do this?’ I asked Theo.

‘One needs to learn a lesson. You don’t sleep in my daughter’s bed … Simple. ‘And he went out with him, the car key in his hand.

The next day, after worrying about where JC was, I learned that he was safe when he appeared on the front page of a black -eyed painting newspaper. The press took the wind of the story after leaving my house. It turned out that he escaped from the living room window, ran to the local taxi office, explained who he was, and took him home. (I think he was sober enough to remember where he lived.)

Articles, England’s football team with the rest of my house reported that I made a party. I’m not sure why a group of millionaires will easily travel to my council property in Southeast London, where they can easily make a party in a hotel suit. But I wasn’t stranger to false narratives.

This is an excerpt from Keeley’s book Everyone saw my breastsOn Tuesday, Little Brown will be released £ 22.