‘My abusive ex-partner racked up debts in my name and left our children and me with nothing’
Approximately four million children are believed to be affected by economic exploitation; One in seven mothers claim their child or teenager has suffered poor mental health as a result.
A study conducted by the charity Surviving Economic Abuse and Ipsos, which surveyed 5,094 adults, found that more than a quarter (27 per cent) of mothers last year had experienced this form of abuse (where a current or former partner controls the victim’s money, such as their income and bank accounts); This shows that 3.9 million children are affected by this “hidden crisis”.
In Becky’s* case, her ex-partner seemed like “the best thing since sliced bread” when they first met and she was just 18 years old. He was buying her gifts, taking her on fancy holidays, and encouraging her to move in with him after six months of dating.
Given that the man had a good job and had his household bills under control, he was unaware that he had been avoiding paying council tax and had accumulated significant debt in his name.
After the birth of their first child, he pressured her to give up her job, insisting that he would “take care of her”, making it impossible for her to continue working by canceling her car insurance and refusing to pay for childcare.
Isolated from friends and family due to her insistence that they constantly move her house further away, she was subsequently subjected to verbal abuse, which left her depressed, and she became more erratic, throwing plates when she stood still.
He pressured her to get a loan and a credit card to use; Becky experienced stroke-like symptoms during a panic attack when she was eight months pregnant with her second child.
After a brief separation, their relationship continued after he promised to change. “It hasn’t changed at all, in fact it’s gotten worse,” he said. “He took out a credit card in my name, we moved house again, he wasn’t paying his council tax and bills and he kept getting debt letters.
“A credit card came with my name on it, but at that point I was in survival mode; don’t argue with it because the consequences could be worse.”
She eventually managed to extricate herself from the relationship, but the financial abuse continued.
“He stopped paying child support, he stopped paying the financing and insurance on the car which meant I had no way of getting around, I knocked on my neighbor’s house and asked who was at home and following me,” he added.
She said she contacted both the police and social services for support after he repeatedly sent her harassing e-mails, called her workplace, allegedly drove drunk with children in the car, and came to her home with a knife.
Even though he didn’t know where he lived anymore, moving into his own house was also an ordeal. His credit card score was so low that he couldn’t get wifi, couldn’t buy a TV, and was having trouble furnishing his property with white goods.
“It was terrible, very debilitating. It took over your whole life,” Becky said. “Applying for benefits is mentally draining because of the decision you’ve made. I’ve always worked and paid into the system, but it’s like you’re no longer seen as a valued member of society.”
“I was on antidepressants, I was suicidal, and I had to make a really tough choice: ‘I’m either going to stay in this hole, or I’m going to dig myself out. At one point I couldn’t see any way out other than killing myself.’
Abusive parents have also been found to use tactics that directly target their children’s economic security; A third of women who experienced economic abuse reported that their former partner refused to pay alimony or paid it unreliably.
This follows a survey published by the victims’ commissioner last month, which found that less than half of victims surveyed were confident that the criminal justice system was effective.
One in six people also reported that their current or former partner stole money from their children, such as birthday money, or tried to prevent them from accessing welfare payments they were entitled to receive.
While 17 percent of mothers surveyed said they were unable to provide food, clothing or other basic items for their children, 20 percent said they feared for their children’s safety or well-being because of their current or former partner’s financial misbehavior.
IndependentLast year, her Brick by Brick campaign with Refuge raised almost £600,000 to build two new safe havens for women fleeing abuse. Meanwhile, the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) has pledged to tackle the “complex web of harm” related to violence against women and girls (VAWG) as part of its newly published five-year strategy.
Sam Smethers, CEO of Surviving Economic Abuse, said: “Economic abuse is a dangerous form of coercive control and children suffer from it every day. Our research shows perpetrators steal children’s pocket money, deny mothers access to child benefit and refuse to pay child support. Economic abuse means women and children are left deprived at Christmas and every day of the year, pushing some into poverty and homelessness.
“The Prime Minister has described economic abuse as a national emergency and it is a scandal that so many mothers and their children live with its devastating consequences. We help families escape economic abuse by providing vital online information to survivors and training professionals such as children’s services to spot the signs of economic abuse.”
If you are experiencing distressed emotions or having difficulty coping, you can talk or email the Samaritans confidentially on 116 123 (UK and ROI). jo@samaritans.orgor visit Samaritans Website to find details of your nearest branch.
