My ex-partner wants to try tuning-fork therapy. Should I tell anyone?
The Modern Guru says that if your ex-partner opts for tuning fork therapy, you’re probably on different wavelengths.
Question: My partner broke up with me. I suggested couples counseling. He said his own supports are available: tuning fork therapy, numerology, and rebirth. Our friends ask why we don’t attend counseling. Can I tell them about tuning forks? VD, Burwood, VIC
A: Tuning fork therapy is new to me. I researched it and apparently it is a healing technique that uses vibrating tuning forks to relieve emotional trauma. This may work, but the best way to vibrate the tuning fork is to hit it really hard on your knee, so after a few sessions you may recover emotionally, but you’ll be limping off to an orthopedic surgeon to get a kneecap reconstruction.
Anyway, I’ll start by saying that I’m truly sorry to hear that your partner has broken up with you, and I can sense that you’re hoping to get back together — but since you suggested couples counseling with a trained professional while he chose to absorb the vibrations of a pronged fork, interpret hidden number patterns, and recreate his own birth by pretending the backyard hot tub was his mother’s birth canal, I’m wondering if you two weren’t the most ideal match to begin with.
Go ahead and tell your friends about tuning forks, but I’ll bet they’ll say the same thing: that your partner wants to break up, that you should probably move on, that the two of you are vibrating at different frequencies—you on a steady, concert pitch A, him on a dissonant, ear-bleeding microtone. Good luck, and let me suggest some alternative prong therapies that may be helpful in a difficult breakup. There’s food therapy in the ever-reliable fork. Or forking over self-protecting money
For a nice holiday therapy. Or repeating the mantra, “I’m totally giving up on his therapy,” repeated over and over again.
guru@goodweekend.com.au
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Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew, and the Little Lunch series of books for children.
