When Wedding Invitations Come with a Price Tag

A sense of responsibility and budget constraints can lead to resentment, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings among friends and family. Future spouses who are trying to plan their dream wedding and are worried about their own expenses may want to take their guests’ possible expenses into account.

“Money is part of how we support each other,” says licensed therapist Christine Hargrove, who serves as associate director of the Center for Love and Money at the University of Georgia. “But don’t let finances get in the way of lifelong friendships or healthy and supportive family relationships.”

Hargrove thinks budget issues often become friendship issues for couples and wedding attendees. While asking someone to be a best man or bridesmaid is often intended to show appreciation, sometimes it’s the potential financial burden of being a part of a bachelor party and the big day that makes it difficult to accept the offer. “If someone says, ‘I care about you, I really want to come to your wedding, but I definitely can’t afford to spend five days in the Caribbean on top of going to a wedding anyway,’ don’t take it personally,” Hargrove advised. Money conversations can be very emotional, but everyone involved will benefit if they approach the topic with understanding.

“Couples need to keep in mind that people have different budgets and different backgrounds. People have different job responsibilities and abilities to take PTO,” said Sarah Schreiber, a former magazine wedding editor turned wedding consultant.

Here are some suggestions on how engaged couples can reduce wedding guest expenses and how guests can attend without going into debt.

FOR COUPLES

Book different hotel options

It is customary for couples who are getting married to reserve a block of rooms at a discounted rate for their out-of-town guests. Schreiber recommends having at least a few hotel options in different price ranges.

Payment offer for some services

Covering transportation costs to and from the wedding venue, paying for child care when kids aren’t invited to the celebration, and hosting breakfast the next morning are other ways couples can make their weddings cheaper for guests, according to Cassie Horrell, a wedding planner based in Pittsburgh.

“There are little things you can do here and there to be mindful of how much food you can have for your guests,” Horrell said. Rachel Lawrence, head of advice and planning at budgeting app Monarch Money, said putting a “no gifts” request on your invitations was another way to cut costs for guests.

Be the highlight of your wedding party

Hargrove said informing wedding party members and other close friends ahead of time about how much they might pay for a bachelorette party abroad, renting a tuxedo or expecting to get makeup done, helps them decide whether they can attend.

If someone agrees to attend the wedding party and later finds out the bride and groom have expensive tastes, they may feel forced to spend on a splash they can’t afford. Don’t take it personally if a guest can’t attend, he said.

If a friend or relative says they can’t attend a pre-wedding event or wedding due to cost, Hargrove recommends responding in a polite and courteous manner.

“If you accept it graciously, you’ll have a lot less trouble relationally. It shows a lot of respect, it shows conscientiousness. People appreciate that. And there’s a lot less hurt feelings,” he said.

FOR GUESTS

Share costs with friends

If the cost of attending a wedding is too high, consider splitting it with a group of friends, said Esther Lee, deputy editor and wedding expert at The Knot. Other guests may be on a tight budget, too, from sharing a hotel room or sleeping on someone’s couch to joining group outings and splitting the bill for airport transportation. It’s okay to skip some events

Between the bachelorette party, bridal shower, and weekend destination wedding, expenses can add up. If you want to stay within your budget, you can skip some events and choose to attend the ones you think will be most meaningful for the person getting married.

“It’s hard for people to say no, and we want to be on everyone’s terms. But if it doesn’t fit your budget, then you don’t want to go into debt just to try and make it,” Chelsea Hodl, financial planner at financial services app Domain Money.

It is recommended that you let your friend or family member know in advance which events you can attend. Save money on your wardrobe

Wedding attire is one place to cut back if you’re working on a tight budget. Renting a dress or tuxedo from online sites like Rent The Runway, Nuuly, or Black Tux can be cheaper than buying clothes you’ll hardly ever wear.

Guests may consider wearing a dress they already own or borrowing from a friend, The Knot’s Lee said. “No one is judging you for re-wearing something, so don’t be your harshest critic,” she said.

Be transparent with your friends

Hargrove said there’s no need to be ashamed if you can’t afford to attend a loved one’s wedding. Being honest about your reason for not being there on their special day can help avoid negative feelings or misunderstandings.

“When you’re willing to be direct with someone, it just clears the air, and it’s amazing how powerful, open, honest and direct self-disclosure can be,” Hargrove said.

If you’re going to miss a friend’s wedding, try showing your love for them in another way; For example, inviting her to dinner or sending her flowers on her wedding day. An inexpensive gesture can show your love without compromising yourself or your finances.