Why are they still taboo?
Over the past decade, women’s sex toys, and pleasure in general, have been couched in the language of empowerment, wellness, and self-care. It may not be mainstream, but it’s hardly surprising to see a female character using a vibrator or dildo on screen.
The same cannot be said for heterosexual men.
Let’s face it, men’s taste is still largely privileged over women’s. But it still feels taboo for heterosexual men to use sex toys. What gives?
Why is it taboo?
Dr. is an honorary associate at La Trobe University’s Australian Research Center for Sex, Health and Society. Andrea Waling says male masturbation tends to occupy a dual position in our cultural consciousness; It is both assumed and seen as inferior to sex itself.
“There’s a stereotype that even if men are masturbating, they should always seek sex with women,” he says.
Sexologist and male sexual health expert Cam Fraser thinks male masturbation is often talked about as “a bit of a joke”, while male sexuality is thought of in simplistic terms.
“It’s like men can get an erection, they can ejaculate, and that’s satisfying enough for them. So if you need more and you have to deviate from the norm in any way, you’re seen as a weirdo in some way,” he says.
“This discourse really flattens men as human beings. It reduces them to either their functions or their physiology, and it doesn’t take into account the fact that, as with all humans, there’s a lot that goes into our experiences of pleasure and sexual arousal.”
Women’s pleasure, on the other hand, is seen as exceedingly complex and even “mysterious” (the clitoris was not fully mapped until the late 1990s). In some ways this has contributed to phenomena such as the orgasm gap in heterosexual unions.
But it has also rightly fueled recent interest in female pleasure. This means that eroticism, pleasure and sensuality are “culturally coded as feminine or homosexual people,” says Fraser.
“And so a straight, cisgender man who explores this is seen as challenging this heteronormative way of expressing your masculinity.”
This is especially true of toys designed to stimulate the prostate or used for pegging (anal sex in which a woman penetrates a man with a dildo).
“The assumption is that anal pleasure is solely the domain of gay men; that’s not how bodies or sexual orientation work,” says Fraser.
“But the social and cultural stories we have about these things hinder many heterosexual men’s experiences of pleasure.”
There is also a correlation between needing sex toys and impotence; This too carries negative connotations. Erectile dysfunction is commonand not just among older men.
It’s not just sex dolls: A changing market
According to sex toy company Lovehoney, the oral simulation toy segment is the fastest growing category for men in Australia, recording annual growth of over 200 per cent to date.
Hyperrealistic products designed to mimic the look and feel of skin are also a growing category, he says.
In the week following the introduction of age verification for adult content in March, Australian sex toy retailer Wild Secrets reported a 30 percent increase in sales of men’s sex toys.
Tobias Zegenhagen, chief technology officer and head of research and development at Lovehoney, sees the men’s sex toy customer base as threefold: those with performance issues such as erectile dysfunction; those who want to simulate penetrative sex; and finally, those who see pleasure as part of well-being.
Historically the market has focused on these first two camps. That’s why the products on offer are quite crude and dominated by Fleshlights, the trademark name often used for masturbation sleeves, sex dolls and cock rings.
In fact, while the market for women is rapidly expanding beyond dildos, toys marketed to men tend to focus on “hyperrealistic” products, including dolls and torsos made in the image of female porn stars.
“They have an objectifying nature,” says Waling, who associates such toys with porn culture.
“This goes back to the idea that a ‘real’ straight man should be interested in and want a porn star type of woman.”
“So it also limits their capacity to think about fantasy or to feel safe trying other things that don’t fit that narrative.”
But things are changing, with the growing number of “gender-neutral” toys, such as those designed specifically for penises by Japanese brand Iroha, Australian brand Normal and Lovehoney’s Arcwave.
Instead of the purely mechanical, friction-based function of traditional toys, Arcwave uses small air vibrations, similar to some clitoral vibrators, to provide stimulation including the frenulum, which is part of the foreskin.
Zegenhagen believes there is a growing market for such toys. “These [male] customers are also not looking for toys that are too ‘open’. You can have beautifully designed, almost lifestyle items. [too]”he says.
Expanding our perspective on male pleasure
According to Fraser, working with male clients often involves starting small and encouraging them to experiment.
“When you start exploring, it can almost feel like there’s no sensation there because you haven’t conditioned your nervous system to feel pleasure in those parts of your body. It takes a few minutes to slow down, pay attention, and develop awareness.”
Learning to understand your own desire can also improve partnered sex, says Fraser, adding that sex toys are just an aid, not a necessity.
“The principle of not being open to exploring and experiencing your own feelings of pleasure will place a limitation on how you can express that with another person,” she says.
Elisabeth Neumann, Arcwave’s head of user testing, says a big part of her job is educating the consumer and sparking curiosity. “[Encouraging people] “Not just going straight to orgasm, but also experiencing pleasure or masturbation as a journey, maybe involving other erogenous zones, maybe not watching porn on the side,” he says.
“I really try to focus on what’s going on in the body.”
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