I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

For South Koreans, tteokbokki is more than a snack. This is food for the soul.

This sweet and spicy dish made with chewy rice cakes is a staple of Korean street food culture and is loved by people of all ages.

It’s the dish students turn to after long days of school, and as adults, you seek out after a hard day at work.

When readers came across a book titled I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki in 2018, it immediately caught the attention of many. Its honest but playful title aroused curiosity; some have wondered how much you have to love tteokbokki to write a book about it. Many were soon taken by his raw honesty.

It became an instant bestseller, widely discussed and deeply resonated in Korea. This week, South Korean author of the book, Baek Se-hee, dies at 35. Details of his death remain unclear. The Korean Organ Donation Agency said Baek saved five lives by donating his organs, highlighting his desire to help others.

His death at such a young age caused deep sadness in readers who found solace and understanding in his words. News outlets around the world prominently reported his passing, while social media and blogs were flooded with tributes and personal stories from those his books helped.

At the heart of the book is a recording of Baek’s conversations with his psychiatrist while he was struggling with dysthymia, a mild but long-lasting form of depression, and anxiety disorders. Through these sessions, she describes her daily struggles, such as overthinking the opinions of others, obsessing over her appearance, and struggling with self-doubt. Rather than examining clinical depression, it reflects a mild melancholy that many people can relate to.

What makes his story so moving is its sincerity. It captures that delicate human contradiction of living exhausted by daily sadness while also wanting to move on. Like a comforting meal of tteokbokki on a difficult day, her words offer warmth and understanding, reminding readers that even vulnerability is strength.

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One of the many young people for whom the book resonated was Jo Eun Bit, a 25-year-old student at Korea University in Seoul, who found the book helped her overcome uncertainty about her future.

“All generations in Korea tend to measure themselves by what others have done and the achievements they have achieved, and this only fuels competition,” he said. “But I liked this book because it seems to send the message that it’s okay to not live up to the standards society sets.

“One of the most memorable passages in your book is that I am a unique being in this world and that makes me special. I am someone that I must take care of throughout my life. I believe that the more I look within myself, the happier I will be.”

“To me, this showed me that it was okay to not be perfect and also reminded me that I, too, was someone who needed to be nurtured and cared for.”

Relentless competition from school to the workplace, combined with the pressure to meet family and social expectations, leaves many young South Koreans discouraged. In a society still influenced by Confucian values ​​such as truthfulness and obedience, mental health issues remain heavily stigmatized, and many people experience feelings of shame or social judgment.

Baek’s book turns the idea that social success is the ultimate measure of a life well-lived, openly addressing the mental health issues many often face, and in doing so showing readers that acknowledging your feelings is the first step towards recovery.

Sangeun Lee, a primary school teacher in Korea, told the BBC that the book had a particularly special meaning for her for this reason.

“With the rise of social media, we become so exposed to other people’s lives that it causes us to become increasingly critical of ourselves,” the 35-year-old actor said.

“Being imperfect is natural for everyone, but seeing so much of this type of information can feel like an attack on yourself and leave you wondering if it’s okay to live this way. This book encouraged me to accept myself as I am.”

The book’s popularity has also had an impact in the real world, encouraging many people struggling with depression to seek professional help. It has also brought mental health issues into the public spotlight – RM from world-famous K-pop band BTS, known for their songs encouraging self-love, is among those who shared the book online.

Baek’s pages resonated far beyond South Korea. First published in 2018, the book has sold more than one million copies worldwide and has been translated into 25 languages. It sold 100,000 copies within six months of its release in the UK.

It attracted the attention of young women and played an important role in expanding the reach of Korean literature. Marianna Szucs, a secondary school teacher in London, told the BBC she felt a connection to the incident and was deeply saddened by Baek’s death.

“Her book tells you that if you’re feeling depressed or like you have problems, you’re not the only one. She had all kinds of problems, from tiny little things to pretty scary ones. I think everyone who reads this book can find something they can relate to.”

Seunghye Sun, director of the UK Korean Cultural Center, said that in the process of expanding the range of K literature and K culture, “it is extremely symbolic that Baek Se-hee’s voice resonates in the UK, where great psychoanalysts such as Freud and his daughter explored the human mind.”

Her book tells a story that transcends generations and borders and sends a quiet but warm message to countless anonymous readers around the world.

After all, the paradoxical title “I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki” may actually be another way of saying “I want to live.” Even in moments of deep despair, people often find the strength to continue finding small joys.

For him, this joy was tteokbokki, showing that even the simplest pleasures in daily life can be a sustaining force.