QUENTIN LETTS: Liz Kendall came out, silken blouse unbuttoned to just north of her navel. What a meeting it must have been
Downing Street was a comedy scene inside and out. At Number 10, Sir Keir Starmer has informed the Cabinet that he cannot discuss the only thing that concerns the City markets and the country generally: its own dire future. Outside, TV knitters were reaching for angles and shouting questions at the ministers. Frenzy! Noisy! Ratings!
The May sun illuminated the bluish bricks of the cul-de-sac. A Finch song floated from a white-rayed tree. The breeze then wavered with the castle-like squawks of the network aces filling up airtime during Sir Keir’s Cabinet showdown.
At 10.35am, ministers began pouring out of the shiny black doors. The hour-long meeting ended. It was as if someone had poured vinegar on an anthill. They came out, busy-busy, some with frowns, others with plastic smiles.
Tubby Lord Hermer flew through the doorway, his red tie bouncing on his belly as he dodged the curious media.
Liz Kendall in Whitehall, central London, after attending a meeting in Downing Street. The cabinet was informed that it could not discuss a single issue
The first of the ants was Steve Reed, the Starmer-loyal secretary of state for communities. He rushed to the nearest TV camera to express his insistence that the Prime Minister would continue in his duties for the greater honor of an adoring nation.
Energy Minister Ed Miliband was more cautious. He turned off the microphones. ‘Mr Miliband, Mr Miliband, should the Prime Minister resign?’ TV crews shouted.
One man from GB News was particularly loud. Mr Miliband, sticking his ass out as he walked, passed by in studious silence. He deserves to be trained in badminton.
It took a while for Wes Streeting to emerge. It seemed that Ser Keir was refusing to speak to him. Rude! As a silent Streeting steamed down the street, the Great British Herald roared: ‘Do you want the job? ‘Do you measure the curtains?’
Further questions poured in on Business Minister Peter Kyle. Slim-hipped Pedro can never resist the sound bite. Oh, go ahead then, just one. You’re so bad, but I like you. He explained that Sir Keir had ‘shown really determined leadership’.
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The breeze was fluttered by the castle-like squawks of the news network aces filling up airtime during Sir Keir’s Cabinet showdown, writes Quentin Letts.
More ants: Treasury’s dour James Murray holding the hands of country undertakers; party chair Anna Turley giving a thumbs up as she hurried away as if she needed a sick bowl; science secretary Liz Kendall, her silk blouse unbuttoned just north of her navel. What a meeting it must have been. No wonder Ed Mill was left speechless. Northern Ireland Secretary Hilary Benn kept hobbling out, walking haltingly. He has a heavy back. Nobody bothered to shout. Poor Hilary. Asking for comments is boring.
When Mr Murray appeared, Sky News’ Beth Rigby, the sweetest of broadcasters, rushed forward to take a bite. Beth was tangled up in her microphone, which was itself connected to a sound unit. Twang. As with goats, the leash has reached its limit. Poor Beth cried, “I have been repented, I have been repented.”
Amidst the chaos, the cocktail party presence of Lady Chapman, minister of the Lords, shining in her sleeveless dress and goosebumps. She thought Sir Keir was simply magnificent.
While this crazy pavane was being danced, Sir Keir’s critics continued to commit career suicide (or not) by posting demands on social media for him to resign. North West Cambridgeshire MP Sam Carling (23) signed his ultimatum with such a childlike hand you wonder if he’s got his primary school pencil license yet. A man named Miatta Fahnbulleh resigned from the paperclip ministry. Reporters dived into Google. And Jess Phillips stormed out of the Home Office. What a bonus. He was angry at Ser Keir for not arguing with him more.
Not all those who backed down were upset by such news. Edgbaston’s Preet Gill has been stunned by her long-standing lack of promotion and declared herself fit for the ministerial post. “If you are not going to surrender, then make room for those like us,” he told the departing rebels.
Today the King will come to the Parliament and say ‘my government will do this’. For the sake of royal propriety he should add ‘perhaps’ to the end of this.
