The brave volunteers turning trauma into purpose

When Benn Lockyer reaches out to grieving fathers through his volunteer support line, he already knows there’s nothing he can say to “fix” what happened to them.

What it can offer is something else entirely: understanding.

The Victorian father lost his son James in 2017 after complications during birth led to brain damage in the newborn. James lived only three days.

Years later, after counseling and support groups helped ease his own pain, Mr. Lockyer found himself wanting to be the person he once needed to be.

“I need to give back to this community,” he told AAP.

“I’ve had years of support through Red Nose, and for me it’s ‘How can I give back, how can I provide support to other families?’ happened.”

As Australians prepare to mark National Volunteer Week Stories like Mr Lockyer’s from May 18-24 are central to this year’s theme: “This is your year to volunteer.”

Although volunteering is often associated with sausage sizzles, sports clubs and school fundraisers, many people become interested in volunteering after some of the most difficult moments of their lives.

For some, lived experience becomes the very thing that enables them to help others.

Mr Lockyer says joining a support group after James’ death was a turning point.

“We didn’t know what to expect. We were so scared walking into that room,” he recalls.

“But everyone was supportive and understanding. They went through it too.”

Hearing his parents’ pain escalate gave him hope that life might finally become manageable again.

“This normalized and validated a lot of what I was feeling,” she says.

“It gave me hope, ‘Maybe we can get out of this.’”

Eventually Mr Lockyer began volunteering, providing peer support himself to other bereaved fathers through online chats and one-on-one phone calls.

Despite his own experiences, he initially doubted that he was qualified to help others.

“I remember coming to the first practice and I was so scared,” he says.

“I thought, ‘What am I doing? I’m not qualified to do this.'”

This uncertainty diminished the first time he spoke directly to another grieving father.

“You get on the phone with someone who needs help and the situation changes. You just know,” he says.

“You doubt yourself a little bit. And then you say, ‘I’m absolutely qualified to do this because I know exactly how much these people are suffering.'”

For Mr. Lockyer, volunteering became a way to give purpose to suffering that could never truly be resolved.

“I can’t go back and change what happened. I can’t bring James back,” he says.

“But if I can take that experience and that pain and bring some kind of light into someone else’s life, then that has given them some kind of purpose.”

For Volunteer Australia It’s not uncommon to hear stories like Mr Lockyer’s, according to chief executive Mark Pearce.

“There’s a significant proportion of people, particularly in roles like personal support, psychological support, where people may have experienced something,” he told AAP.

“Then they said, ‘Wow, this is something really special for me. This is an opportunity for me to be that person in someone else’s eyes while they’re having this life experience.'”

Mr Pearce says many volunteers underestimate what they can offer until they actually get involved.

Volunteers often tell him they feel like they have something to contribute, but they don’t know how to do it.

He reportedly was told, “‘I didn’t realize what a difference I could make until I actually started making that difference.'”

Volunteering can also help people rediscover a sense of belonging and connection after periods of trauma or isolation, she continues.

“At the end of the day, night, or week, no matter what the situation, you will walk away with a deep sense of belonging, contribution, and personal power.”

Mr Pearce describes volunteering as “almost the simplest human interaction”.

“’Do you need help with this?’” he says.

More importantly, he says, volunteering doesn’t always require large time commitments or certifications.

“Most of the time you don’t need to have formal qualifications. You just need to be there with intention,” he explains.

“It might be an hour a week. It might be less than an hour a week… but it’s about that connection.”

Australian Bureau of Statistics research reveals that by 2025, 42.8 per cent of Australians aged 15 and over will volunteer formally, informally or both.

More than 618 million hours were contributed through formal volunteering alone.

Men and women formally volunteer at similar rates: 22 percent and 23 percent, respectively. Adults ages 35 to 54 are more likely to volunteer.

For Mr Lockyer, who now balances working full-time as well as volunteering and raising two young children, the rewards far outweigh their time commitment.

“It’s important to me to be able to provide that support to other people, and so it’s time for me to want to do that,” he says.

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