Stop saying ‘how was your weekend?’ Do this instead, says public speaking expert
Last month, I was standing at a hotel coffee station with a tiny porcelain creamer shaped like a cow in my hand when a stranger came up to me and said, “Hello.” My brain went completely blank. “How’s this weather?” I couldn’t even ask. response level.
If you’ve had that moment, you’re a great friend. As a professional speaker and executive coach, I speak for a living and I’m still stunned by a casual greeting.
Small talk may seem insignificant, but it’s the warm-up before the real connection work. Like any warm-up, it goes much better when you know a few moves.
That’s why I keep three easy entries in my back pocket. They work in almost any environment, whether you’re in an elevator, at a conference happy hour, or in the two minutes before Zoom starts. None of them require you to be naturally attractive. They just want you to pay a little attention.
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1. Notice something small and compliment it
This is almost cheating. Find something specific about the person—the lunch, the notebook, a sharp point he made at the last meeting—and name it.
You might say something like: “This salad looks like it requires planning. What’s in it?” Or “You set a really good example by accelerating the launch. How did you hit that timeline?”
A compliment is the cheat code that many adults forget exists after middle school, but specificity is what truly sets them up for success. Vague flattery (“nice presentation!”) sounds like a polite, performative, and instantly forgettable LinkedIn comment.
When you notice something specific, you tell the other person that you are actually with them and that you care.
2. Ask a detailed question
Many conversations die because the questions are not strong enough to carry the weight. “How was your weekend?” sensor. “Good,” they reply. Last scene.
The solution is to frame the question with a little more scaffolding.
“How was the meeting?” instead of “What surprised you about this meeting?” You can try. “How’s your week?” Change the expression. “What are you really working on right now?”
The structure of the question is what invites a real answer. You ask your conversation partner to tell you a story. People almost always have something they’d love to share if you give them the chance.
3. Leave a conversation thread
This is the move I teach most often. A conversational thread is a small piece of information that you present for the other person to grasp.
“How was your weekend?” Instead of answering the question “nice,” try: “It was great. My kid learned to make scrambled eggs and brought me a breakfast for bed that was both cute and slightly burnt.”
Now the other person has options. They may ask questions about your child. They may confess their own kitchen disasters. They might tell you that teenagers still don’t crack eggs. Instead of the conversation bogging down, you give them three or four topics.
It’s a movement that helps the shyest, most introverted, most socially anxious people relax. It takes the pressure off of inventing a question. You’ve done half the job.
Small talk doesn’t have to be painful, and it doesn’t have to be deep either. It just needs to be a little specific.
Try one of these on your next coffee, next elevator ride, or next pre-meeting quiet. “How’s this weather?” Watch what happens when he finally reaches the retirement he deserves.
Henna PryorCSP is a global keynote speaker who helps leaders and teams communicate with confidence and authenticity. She is SUCCESS Magazine’s Influencer Woman, LinkedIn Learning Trainer, and Glassdoor WorkLife Pro. He is the author of the following book:Good Awkward: How to Embrace the Embarrassing and Celebrate Shyness to Be Your Bravest..” Henna is an expert instructor for CNBC’s online course. How to Talk to People at Work.
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